Protecting the child in me!

photo courtesy : Özgün Erdem

I do miss the childhood days.The days when our biggest aim was to win the game and the merriest moment to be selected as the winner .The days we were satisfied watching our cartoons,worried because our doll had catched a cold, sad because of an unimportant quarrel with our friend.The days we were the happiest person to have a new toy or a brand new dress.The school days were fun , holidays a miracle:)

I do miss my easygoing manners, my so-called preoccupations:), my cheerful jumping in front of my house, my excitement on my first swim, my curiosity on the new literature teacher (told to be a very beautiful actress by time), my emotions on my very first crush and I can't help my self from envying my childhood, this merry time of my life.

A sociolog used to say."Every past is beautiful in our eyes"...

I don't think like him..Why I like it is because it's so very special and pure.It's too beautiful to be true, but that's real!

If there's a thing I like in myself ;that's trying to protect the child in me!I've always done this.I've always escaped from the "severe & serious" manners and people behaving like that,I find them so annoying!

Maybe it's risky to act or feel like a child ..You become more sensitive and vulnerable , you can get hurt easily ,but hell ! , you can feel the joy of that unfettered feeling!And that pays !At least it does for me...

We must try to protect the child in us ..It will make us better, much better...

Boulevard of broken dreams...

I walk alone in a dark street.Everything looks like wraped up under a tarred masque..

Trees look frightening under their screaming nude cavity.Their helplessly upwards extending branches look like praying to s.t or s.w undefined,unknown,unseen.

Countless clouds rushing in a restless sky giving you the idea of an ambushing volcano.

I keep on walking faster & faster just to redeem myself from this asmathic atmosphere , but I'm abruptly stopped by a thick wall coming accross so unexpectedly , I can't help striking it:(

I turn my face and have a glance at it..I'm stunned to see it's full of pictures..Different images of me and my life fragments float in front of my eyes .Each one with its own regrets and sadness..Each one leaving its painful traces ..Each one bloodly ripping off my heart ..

I notice mislaid faces, forgotten moments,suppressed disappointments, hidden emotions and innefable sanguine expectations as well ; never realised expectations...

It's weird to face with all of these sentiments this way...It's sad to see how all of them turned into barren hopes...Nothing is prolonged as much as this exhausting melancholy fettle..

- I ate an apple today , and there was no worm in it..I wish it were..At least that would be some change or would bring some new waves in the sea of boredom.But this doesn't seem possible!Vacuum forever!

This exploring promenade in the underground city of my soul tired me to death..I need some elevator to lift me up!For I wanna visit another boulevard right now!

p.s: per perkthimin shqip shihni tek komentet te dashur shqipfoles!

The irresistible choice: Being an Amateur!

It's one of everybody's choices..Being an amateur..Is it because they like it?
Of course not , but it's safer,easier,touchable,available,logic and smarter.
It bears no risk.It's free of the professionalism stress.It's far away from the fear of loosing the prestige. Being an amateur and accepting to be one of them , offers you a transparent shelter.A shelter where you can hide all of your handicaps , complexes , self mistrust.It's very cozy and practic and you can carry it everywhere.
It's trendy too..Nowadays everybody has become an amateur at some thing.
I do believe there are two different kinds of amateurs:

1.The ones that are conscient of that and don't use it as a tip of security.
2.The ones that disguise their selves under the safe frame of being an amateur...

Launching one self as an amateur at something , is a pure disguising strategy .We can call it : The art of transparent masking and editing of our deficiencies.
Ok , ok this may sound too harsh , but if we ponder on it for a while we could get the point of the above statement.
I'm an amateur too.I'm an amateur at arts , that is : photography, cinema,dance,creative writing. But I have to admit sometimes I feel bad of using this etiquette for myself ..It's not that I want to be called a professional , I hate it because I think of what I said above .Because I think that I'm choosing the easiest way for not accepting I'm a beginner.
One should accept this if he/she wants to progress I think!
It can be dissapoiting at times , but would be the best muse for you to improve yourself and advance! It's hard but it pays!!!

Give her a reason to be a woman...

 

1-By letting her feel like she was one.
2-By not making her feel ashamed of her feminity.
3-By not beating her.
4-By helping her during motherhood process.
5-By getting the keys of entrance to her soul.
6-By listening carefully to her.
7-By not seeing her just as an object of lust.
8-By helping her expose her identity without diffidence.
9-By trying to perceive her.
10-By loving her

Hell , where is that perfect man , who could deal with the above list successfully:)?

The power of beauty

Isn't it stunning to see how fascinated are all of us from beauty?Everybody the easy going, the warm hearted , sulky,showy people..I mean everybody is grabbed by any beauty without even figuring it out.Even the snobb ones , who pretend not being affected and trying not to show any interest are griped into it.I do smile at them , trying not to show how they are pleased to see anything beauty,what a pity of them.I never restrained my self from accepting the beauty enjoying all of the joy its presence offered me .

BUT! Yes there's a but , as always:) Love ,enjoy, daze with it , but don't let it become the meaning of your life , don't fetish it...

Because we all know everything is just a vision...

Fshati digjet ....motra krihet..

Indifference... Isn't it all what we are complaining about?
Complaining to our friends whom we haven't heard for a long time , complaining to our collegues for not undertanding us , complaning to our family for non-important things, complainig to our beloved ones for being neglected..and the list goes on and on...
We are so busy complaing and blaming the others that we can't see , how indifferent persons we have become ourselves ..
We're becoming more individualist each passing day.Everybody is dragged into his own world , into his own problems and ambitions, we have not any time at all for nobody ,we avoid anything that would delay our priorities or even worse that would delay any non-important daily habit of ours.We are happy for our job promotion ,we feel great about how beautiful our flower garden is , we get excited for our brand new gown , we go crazy for our new hair style , we have time for plenty of our obssesions , we have time and patience to indulge before the refrigerator and for many other nonsenses , without whose , ok I accept our life wouldn't be that colorful or meaningful , but we go so seriously short of time and empathy when it comes for the others...
Ok I understand we're human beings with our flaws , we aren't perfect and it's the way we live that forces us to be like that.
But all this indifference , until when?Do we have to get our flower garden burned to be more concerned with everything:( ?
Do we really have to loose , to become more interested with what surrounds us?
We have to resolve this with ourselves first...